Posted in What I Do, Work & Life

The Fear of Writing

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Anytime I come back to a healthy habit after stopping for a while, I have a strong temptation to delay working on the new habit while I get “caught up.”

Take writing as an example. My structure is to use a tool called Scrivener to create my thoughts. I have color coded labels for the thoughts, based on where they are in the writing process. Some are just ideas tossed out to marinate for later writing. Others are slightly more fleshed out ideas that I call “In Progress.” Not quite to a rough draft yet, but definitely more meaty than a basic idea.

Then I have the rough drafts, and occasionally I have a small stockpile of completely edited posts or articles that simply haven’t been published yet. Finally, there are the ones marked as published to my blog. Technically, they are supposed to be stored in a separate folder, but frequently I don’t get around to moving them as soon as I publish them. So, they simply add one more splash of color to my menu of thoughts and ideas.

Those colors are what I see as I open Scrivener for the first time in a while. Colors connected to titles. Titles that I sometimes vaguely remember and other times seem to have no recollection of creating. So, naturally, sifting through those titles sounds like a lot more fun than actually writing. I can organize. Finally get those published articles moved to their own folder. Read through all of the drafts to see if there’s anything I want to edit. Read through all of the ideas to determine whether or not they are still viable.

Don’t get me wrong — editing a rough draft is a great way to get back into writing. And writing prompts, especially prompts I’ve created for myself, can be extraordinarily helpful when I’m out of practice or don’t have current ideas.

The problem is that I frequently don’t actually ever get around to editing or fleshing out a prompt. I just review. Organize. Piddle. Plan.

I don’t write.

Why? Because, if I’m honest with myself, I’m scared. Scared that the ideas will never come again like they used to. Scared that, even if they do come, they won’t be any good. Or even if they’re good ideas, I won’t actually be able to communicate them in a way that makes sense. It will simply be rambling confusion that does no one any good.

Scared that I’m wasting my time believing that writing is a part of me. The evidence is there. I’ve craved writing for as long as I can remember. In fact, I recall a time as a preschooler when I had a pencil and a piece of paper. I had no idea how to form letters, much less words. But I had thoughts. I had seen my mom write things down, and I wanted to do the same. I vividly remember the intense feeling of frustration because, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t make my scribbles look like words. I couldn’t create something that could be read again later.

I physically couldn’t write. But oh, how I wanted to! How I longed to be able to record the things I was thinking, even at the young age of three or four.

Yes, writing is a part of me. But there are so many reasons I still shy away from writing. So many reasons I prefer to waste time reviewing. Evaluating. Organizing. Anything to keep me from writing.

Recently, I restarted this writing habit. On that first day, I didn’t even let myself review prompts. I made myself create a blank page and just start randomly filling it. Stopping, starting, deleting, redirecting. I allowed myself to edit as I went along, but only to the extent that it kept me going. Kept me writing. Kept me filing the page with thoughts, no matter how random or disjointed.

It might be that no one ever reads those thoughts. It might be that, if they do, they won’t follow what I’m trying to say. It’s happened a lot. It will happen again.

But I’m writing. I wrote that day. I’m writing today. Tomorrow I may review my ideas to see if there’s one I can flesh out. The next day, I might edit something and get it to final draft status. But today, I’m just writing.

Here’s to rebuilding the habit.

Posted in Work & Life

Filling a Tool Box

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Have you ever wanted to try something new?

Perhaps a new hobby. A new type of social interaction. A new volunteer opportunity. Even a new career.

If so, you know how it feels to stare down something brand new, something you’ve never engaged with before, and not have a clue what to do next.

So, what do you do? You start gathering information. You begin to evaluate what you need to know just to take the first step.

Some people will quickly jump in as soon as they have that first step, while others will continue to gather information and build a plan. Either way, though, starting requires tools. And starting well requires the right kind of tools.

But what is the best way to gather the right tools?

Before my family went to the mission field, my father built houses. I don’t know if it’s an accurate memory or not (I would have been four or five, and that’s been more than a few years!), but I have this vague mental image of Dad coming home at the end of the day and setting down a tool belt.

Obviously, the belt wouldn’t have had everything he needed for the work he did each day. But, the idea in my head is of him having the most essential tools on him at all times. A hammer. A tape measure. A utility knife of some sort. A level. A square. A pencil or two (I know he always had those on hand!).

When I think of gathering the right tools for any sort of task, I picture that utility belt. And were I to ever pick up any type of woodworking hobby, my father is the first person I’d ask for help in gathering basic tools. While he has a whole shop full of tools that he has collected over a lifetime, I know that he would readily tell me that I didn’t need all of that to get going. He could point me to the handful of core tools that would set me on the right path to building the right skills.

So, the logical choice would be to go talk to Dad, right?

But would I? Or would I instead sit down and Google woodworking? Search shopping sites for the right set of tools and ideas. Hunt down an all-in-one kit that would get me off to a “solid” start. Sounds like a brilliant way to spend a lot of money on things I don’t need. Yet, how often do we do that instead of going to the real people around us who could offer solid, genuine help?

I doubt I’ll ever get into woodworking. But, when I want to do something with my yarn stash, I don’t start with Pinterest or Etsy or even Ravelry. I start by chatting with my daughter and our friend Nora, both well experienced in yarn crafting. Then, we might go to their favorite pattern sources to look for ideas. (Although by now I also have my own favorite, trusted source for crochet patterns!)

When I recently started thinking about dabbling with a different hobby, I got books and supplies as Christmas and birthday gifts. The books, while incredibly helpful for building technique, suggested some pretty high quality, but also very high dollar, supplies. More than I wanted to invest to experiment with the hobby. So, my husband thought to send a message to a friend of ours to ask for suggestions that were solid but more budget-friendly. He came through, and I found quality supplies at a fraction of the cost — as well as some tips that fit my brain’s learning style.

Now expand that idea beyond even hobbies. What do you do if you want to start a new small group? Teach a Bible study? Lead a book club? Start a local scouting chapter or homeschool group?

Yep, you got it. Find someone you trust who can help you fill your tool box.

Over the coming weeks, I would love to share a few of my tool boxes with you. They may be helpful, they may not. But my intention is less to offer you a ready-made tool box and more to help you grow ideas of your own. To share how I’ve filled various tool boxes, where I’ve started, and how I’ve chosen the tools. And yes, to even admit where I’ve messed up and snagged the wrong tools.

Ultimately, I hope it will inspire you to think of tool boxes you’d like to fill and who you might ask for help. Or to take a look at tool boxes you already own and think about how you would recommend good tools to someone else.

Posted in Meditations & Meanderings, Thoughts from Scripture

Comfort

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

“Comfort, comfort my people,”
says your God.
“Speak kindly to Jerusalem and tell her
that her time of warfare is over,
that her punishment is completed.
For the Lord has made her pay double for all her sins.”
Isaiah 40:1-2

I just love the book of Isaiah. I don’t slow down as often as I should when I read it. But when I do, it always grabs me, both in the devastating first part and the hopeful second part.

Isaiah 40 is one of the better known passages of the book, thanks to its Messianic tone and frequent reference in sermon, song, and more. Because of that, sometimes it’s easy for me to read through it without slowing down. I know what it says. It’s familiar. It’s clear.

When I do slow down, though, I’m nearly blown away. Just think about it for a minute. For centuries, God had watched His people reject Him, ignore Him, disobey Him, and suffer the consequences of their refusal to follow Him. They blamed Him for their suffering even while choosing to chase after the things He explicitly told them would hurt them.

Ultimately, they chose punishment instead of His care. His heart grieved, but He knew that the only way to get their attention was to allow them to experience the consequences of their choices.

That’s the first part of Isaiah. But then, the story shifts, enough so that some theologians insist that the second part of Isaiah had to have been written by a different author. And yet, it all comes from the same God. The God who instructs and lays out a clear path of obedience for His people. The God who gives His people a choice. The God who grieves when His people choose to reject and disobey Him. The God who allows the punishment and consequences to fall.

And the God of chapter 40 who declares comfort.

When someone has hurt me, I may forgive them, but I don’t necessarily embrace them again. I will either walk away completely, choosing a separate path from them, or I’ll erect a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.

Not God! He leans right back in. He embraces. He comforts. He restores intimacy. He draws His people close to His heart, putting them right back on His path.

How astounding is that! How loving! How powerful!

And what should my response be?

First, to recognize the boon this is for me. He takes me back. He embraces me. He welcomes me back into His intimacy even when I’ve messed up royally. He loves my confession and repentance and is right there to welcome me back into His embrace every single time, comforting me even as I grieve over my choice to hurt Him…yet again.

Second, to be a reflection of this to those around me. They, too, are that close to His comfort. His intimacy. His grace and mercy and lovingkindness. And I get to be a conduit of that.

I get choked up every time I think of how Isaiah must have felt when this message flowed through Him to the people of Israel. He’d been proclaiming judgment and punishment. Destruction and captivity. Suddenly, though, he could declare comfort and intimacy. He had the opportunity to speak of the incomprehensible love of God, to declare its closeness and assurance. Where he’d only been able to speak of doom, he could now shout about joy.

What a treasure! What a delight! And I get to declare the same thing, but with even more clarity than Isaiah because I know the rest of the story! Instead of knowing that sometime in the future there will be a Savior, I get to look back and see how Isaiah’s prophecies were fulfilled through the incarnation of Christ.

I get to point to the exact moment in history when the comfort of God was sealed through the destruction of death. Wow!

This is the truth I want to live. Abundantly, powerfully, openly. Declaring God’s comfort to all, that they may have the chance to receive — no matter where they’ve been.

Posted in Meditations & Meanderings, Thoughts from Life, Uncategorized

Just Do Something?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

When you’re stuck, unable to figure out what to do next, sometimes the best thing to do is…something. Anything. Just move. Break out of the lethargy. Just do something. There’s something to this when we lack a solid vision of what’s next or are struggling with creativity that seems to have gone AWOL. The act of just taking action, no matter what that action may be, can kick us into gear.

Kind of like that 5-speed that won’t start no matter how many times you turn the key. But, give it a good push or start it rolling down a hill, then pop it into gear, and it will fire right up as pretty as you please! It’s quite the fun trick!

If we look around, though, I think we might find ourselves surrounded by people who have chosen to do something instead of doing the one thing they are supposed to be doing. These aren’t the people who are stuck. Uncertain. Struggling to figure things out. These are the people who know what it is they are supposed to be doing but are hesitant to jump out and do it.

On the one hand, it’s completely understandable. Often the things we know we should do are more than a little frightening. They represent change. We can’t see the big picture. Sometimes we can’t see past the very first step, and we’re afraid of falling flat on our face with the second one.

So, we decide to test the waters. We do this little thing over here to try to build up our courage. We do that little thing over there to try to nudge our creativity. We’re doing something, right? We’re trying to get ourselves motivated to do what we know we’ve been called to do. That’s good, right? Maybe even enough for now?

I have news for you. For myself. For all of us. It’s not enough.

Why? Because it’s not what God has called us to do.

Just doing something is a step to keep us active when we don’t know what to do next. But the honest truth is that most of us know what we’re supposed to do next. We might not have a grand vision or a five-year plan. We might not know how this step of obedience is going to play out in the grand scheme of things. But we know what we’re supposed to do next.

Write that note.
Have that conversation.
Apply for that job.
Go to that doctor’s appointment.
Volunteer for that event.
Audition for that role.
Make that gift.
Take that lesson.
Put your house on the market.
Plan that move.

Write and publish that blog post. (Getting personal now.)

I could go on and on and on. For some of us it’s a big thing. We know that the next step is a life-changing one that will leave us on the brink of the unknown. For others of us, the next step seems very tiny. It won’t take us more than a few minutes. Yet we put it off because we know the consequences could be bigger than we can possibly foresee.

But, we’re not obedient.

Today, if you are in a spot where you really and truly don’t know what you’re supposed to do next, then I encourage you to just do something. But I imagine that the vast majority of us are in a very different place. We know a next step. We’re just avoiding it.

If that’s you, don’t just do something. Do that thing.

Step out. Be obedient. Take the plunge. And know that the God who gave you the instruction already has every step covered. He’s got you, even if you can’t see Him. He’ll keep you going. He’ll show you the next thing in His perfect timing. As long as you will go ahead and take that step today.

Let’s do our things together today, shall we?

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts from Life

Choosing Our Light

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Today I am struggling with a lot of angsty thoughts that I can’t really communicate well…or kindly, to be honest. But, this old post fits and feels relevant. So, instead of a brand new angsty post, I’ll share these old thoughts and then add a few new ones at the end.

This morning, we awoke to a bright, cloudless sky. Our home has many windows that let in the bright sunshine on clear days, so on days like this we frequently don’t even have to turn on interior lights. The sunshine streaming in through the windows might not be as bright and strong as our electric lights, but it’s sufficient.

This afternoon, clouds are moving in ahead of anticipated weekend storms. As the clouds build, we alternate between bright sunshine and darkening shade. In some rooms, we’re turning on lights to counteract the game of peekaboo the sun seems to be playing.

When a storm system actually arrives, though, I expect a very different story. The front will solidly entrench itself, and heavy storm clouds will block the sun. In our home, we’ll have to use the lights that do not receive much use during a sunny stretch.

For so long, Christians in the United States have lived much as we do in our home. We’ve been content with the light of the cloudless or partly cloudy skies of morality, rarely seeing the need to turn on our lights of Christ-likeness. Why? Because we mistakenly equate Christianity and morality or being good Americans, thinking that light is enough.

Clouds of trouble do cover the sun briefly, and we turn on our lights for a while, taking a stand for godliness. But, because the storm has not yet arrived in all of its ferocity, we inevitably turn off our lights of godliness when the sun of morality emerges from the clouds again.

Recently, a political decision was made that has once again blocked the light of morality. While many Christians are in full-fledged panic mode over this decision, the reality is that this is just another bout of cloudiness – maybe even a thunder-shower – ahead of the real storm front.

But, what if we as Christians responded to this shower differently? What if we chose to turn on our lights of godliness once and for all? What if we decided to stop relying on the intermittent light of so-called morality and made a move to operate instead in the consistent and full light of godliness?

It’s a frightening thought for American Christians, to be honest. Such an action would mark us even more profoundly than morality ever did, perhaps even expediting our progress toward persecution.

But, it would also establish us firmly in a light that can never be dimmed.

The light of morality, grounded in a false belief that man is inherently good, was destined to be extinguished. Scripture reminds us that all goodness is bound up in Christ – man is sinful, not good. Without Christ, even the most moral of Americans will eventually bow to the lie of equality.

Do I like the decision that was made? No. Has it robbed reason to rejoice? Again, no. On the contrary, it has actually given me reason to rejoice. Why? Because now a few more Christians will choose to move from the fading light of morality into the never-failing light of godliness. They will grow closer to Christ through it. They will become stronger witnesses for Him because of it. And more of the lost and dying in this world will come to saving faith as a result of it.

And that, my friends, is why I rejoice, even in the face of those inevitable storm clouds.

This morning as I reread this old post, I’m struggling with the fact that the lost and dying in our country currently feel utterly hated by Christians. And it’s all because so many American Christians are claiming a political light instead of the Light of Christ.

I do not remember what political decision was handed down at the time I initially wrote this post. I could easily look it up based on the original publication date, but the fact of the decision would distract from the truth here: many who claim the Name of Christ are once again basking in a false light, and in the process so many who desperately need the love of Christ instead want nothing to do with Him. Because of us. Oh, how that breaks my heart! Utterly and completely!

Friends, I’m not saying we can’t have political preferences. But when will we realize that those preferences have to take a back seat to our allegiance to Christ? When will we start living in the true Light and share that Light and His love with those in desperate need of it? When will we realize that circumstances will never give us true light? That our preferences are a false light? Only Jesus is Light. ONLY JESUS. Let’s let Him and His love be our only light!

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts from Life, Thoughts from Others

My Certainty

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Oh my word, how I needed this reminder this morning! Once again, I am thankful for the record of what God has taught me in the past so I can continue to move forward in growth. And finding certainty in Him is definitely an area where He keeps pushing me to dive deeper and grow more.

Uncertainty. Don’t you just love it. Never knowing what’s around the next bend? Not being able to plan and anticipate?

Okay, if that excited you and made you say, “Yes! I do love it!” then I will go ahead and admit something right now – I don’t understand you. I may still love you, and I will probably try to draw on your strength and excitement when I’m overwhelmed by uncertainty. But I just cannot understand you.

No, I do not always have to have all of the answers, nor do I insist on a crystal clear path at all times. Admittedly, surprises are fun, and the unexpected keeps life interesting and exciting. But that’s not the same as uncertainty.

Uncertainty is knowing that there is something around the corner – and possibly even knowing what it is – but not really being able to predict how it will impact life. If I know that something uncertain is ahead of me, I want to at least have the chance to do something productive to prepare for the uncertainty.

It’s like knowing that tornado season is coming around. I’m an Arkansan, which means tornado season is a given. I do not know when storms will come, but I know they will. And although I cannot guarantee my family’s safety during a tornado, I can do practical, productive things to prepare. I can make sure that we all know where to go to take cover quickly and smoothly. I can make sure necessities are easy to grab. I can prepare.

The problem comes when I see uncertainty on the horizon and cannot do a thing about it. I can’t prepare. I can’t plan. I can only wait. Wait in the uncertainty.

That’s exactly where the Lord puts me from time to time. Why? Because I’m finding my certainty in activity. In preparation. In doing something. What does He want instead?

He wants to be my certainty.

Oswald Chambers says it quite well in My Utmost from His Highest.

Certainty is the mark of a common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways…

Ouch. I tried to argue with that rationale this week. I hoped that I could look at 1 John 3:2, the focal verse for the devotional, and determine that Chambers was out of context with his deductions. But no, he wasn’t. And I was stuck.

I had been living a common-sense life. The Lord was – and is – calling me to a life filled with Him. A life in which my only certainty is Himself. Not circumstances. Not preparation. Not clear answers or firm direction.

Just Himself.

Where is your certainty today? If it is anywhere but in Christ Himself, He will push you into circumstances that challenge your common-sense life. And it hurts. But it’s worth it.

Will you join me in “gracious uncertainty”? Together, let’s make our Lord and Savior our only certainty.

Posted in Thoughts from Life

The Thoughts that Don’t Make It

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I’m sitting here this morning perusing my notes, in-progress thoughts, and rough drafts, wondering if I should start from scratch with today’s post or prepare something I’ve already started.

Some of the thoughts have been here a while. Months. Others are recent, but I need them to gel a bit to make sure that I’m saying things clearly. Sometimes I can sit down and go from idea to publication in an hour or so with no problem. But most of the things I’m skimming through this morning are thoughts that, for whatever reason, don’t fit into that mold. They were jotted down as incomplete ideas that needed to be pondered or fleshed out, but just haven’t made it to completion yet.

Some were thoughts hammered out in emotional times. Whether it was negative or positive emotions, my emotional writing frequently doesn’t make sense until I can pull back and separate the thoughts from the emotions. Sometimes, though, that makes it impossible to ever complete the thoughts, because emotional memories are strong.

Some will eventually find their way to publication. Others never will. I’ll never get them to work. And that’s okay. Because it’s not really the completion that matters in every situation. Sometimes thoughts are there to give birth to learning in other areas. They lead to other ideas and different growth — to things that I can share later. But it’s important to jot the thoughts down, because otherwise I’ll forget them. After all, if it’s not written down, it usually doesn’t happen! At least, that’s the way it is for my extremely visual brain.

The point is, I struggle sometimes to know which thoughts should be pushed through and which ones should never be publicly read. It’s important for us to learn to be vulnerable. To be real. But, there is wisdom in vulnerability. There must still be boundaries and guidelines for when and how to share parts of ourselves. And there are some things that will never be published on a public blog, even if the blog is rarely seen by more than a handful of people.

The key is to recognize which thoughts fit into which category. But there’s also the need to recognize my own mental acuity each time I try to make such a decision. Am I in touch with wisdom enough to know whether or not something needs to be published? Am I deciding from a place of insecurity or discernment? Some days I have more clarity than others. Am I willing to admit when I’m experiencing a day that lacks clarity?

Today is a day when I don’t really have much to say. But, it’s been a bit of a weird week, and my routine is thrown off. So, as I stumble through trying to make the most of each day, I recognize that it’s not a great day to process unpublished rough drafts or incomplete thoughts to see if they are worth publishing. It may not be a day conducive to fresh writing, but it’s also not really a great day for going back through old posts to see if they are worth republishing. It is instead a day to just be honest about where I am and move on.

I’m encouraged, though, because even on a day like today I’m trying. I’m not sharing a lovely life lesson or a glimpse from Scripture. But I’m still writing. I’m still doing. And I am continuing to build on habits and rhythms that will make it easier next time to either review well, write well, or just do like today and keep up the practice.

Not every thought makes it. But every thought has a purpose, even if it’s just to grow me toward the next thought. I’ll take it.

Posted in Thoughts from Books, Thoughts from Life

The Place of Joy

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Do you have a happy place?

This question was mulling around in my mind one morning as I read a chapter in Longing for Joy by Alastair Stern. The first few chapters have had the potential to be a wee bit discouraging as the author explains that joy cannot be intentionally chosen, found, or created. It is instead rather elusive and seems somewhat haphazard.

What is the good of longing for it if it may or may not ever come to us?

And yet, oddly enough, the very nature of the discussion gives such hope. On that particular morning, I was reading chapter five, aptly entitled “Longing.” Woven throughout the chapter were descriptions of moments that seemed so full of joy and yet were also full of longing. Of an awareness that, no matter how amazing the moment, the joy was fleeting. Or incomplete. Or somehow lacking.

It all clicked in my heart and mind with an understanding, a greater appreciation for the moments and places of joy I’ve experienced throughout my life, and a realization that the longing — the incompletion even in those amazing moments — was all part of the amazing nature of joy. The reminder that there is still coming a time when our joy will be complete.

I’ve never longed more for the presence of God than in those places of incomplete joy, and it’s an amazing feeling.

In the early chapters of Longing for Joy, the author hints at the idea that, although we cannot choose joy on our own, we can cultivate a life that will welcome joy when it comes. That idea, combined with the awakened understanding of the longing that beautifully rests hand in hand with joy, made me realize something: my favorite spaces are the spaces where I can truly process joy. My happy places.

Oddly enough, they are the places where joy helps me process everything else, too.

I’m a nomad, so there aren’t many specific physical places where I feel at home. Home is life with Doug. Home is being able to continue to share life with my children, even as they transition into adulthood. But, there are still physical and geographic places that give me nourishment.

One of the earliest favorites place I can remember was a low, backless, stone bench on a hillside. The bench sat in the back yard of the house next to ours, one used by our mission group as a guest house or meeting place. Since it was typically unoccupied, it was easy for me to slip over there and enjoy the quiet. I could look out over the valley below us and up to the next hill where the ruins of an old crusader castle nestled at the top. That hill and the one next to it gave way to another valley in-between. Sometimes, when the air was clear, I could see more hills and valleys through the gap. In the haze of summer, I could barely see past those two hills. Still other times, fog rolled through the gap and across the valleys, looking like a cozy blanket.

It was my happy place growing up, and whenever I think of it I can’t help but smile. But, this morning I had an odd realization about my happy place: I wasn’t usually happy when I went there. I most often went when I was hurt or angry. When I just wanted to be alone or when I felt as if the weight of loneliness would suffocate me. When I was longing for life to slow down or aching for time to move more quickly. It was a place of tears. Of grieving. Of venting. Of longing and aching. Only very rarely did I go when I was happy and wanted to express joy. Usually I went because I longed for joy to find and rescue me.

And yet, although I know I had places of joy before then, that is the place my mind always returns to when I think of a foundational place of joy.

How can that be possible?

It took that chapter on longing to help me realize that joy often comes when we allow ourselves to process all of our emotions. There was nothing awesome about that stone bench. It was, in fact, quite uncomfortable to sit there for any length of time. And though I did love the view, it wasn’t perfect or extraordinary. Even so, that bench and the view it overlooked represented the space where I went to let everything go. Where I truly stopped to analyze my thoughts and feelings. Where I was most likely to be honest with myself.

It was the place where joy most easily found me during my growing up years, either helping me process my crazy thoughts and emotions or embracing me after I released them.

I haven’t been back to that spot in nearly 30 years, but I’ve found others like it. And now I realize what it is that makes those spaces special. Now I see that they are spaces that give me permission to stop and process. To take all of my thoughts and feelings, both good and bad, and let them soar in openness and honesty. To really see myself and determine what’s good and what’s not so good. To let myself feel. To let myself be. And to make myself hear what the Spirit is speaking into my emotions and circumstances.

In the middle of it all, I get a glimpse of what joy looks like. I see what I’m truly longing for. I understand what it is I’m seeking. And I can equip myself to go back and live a life that cultivates space for joy and gives permission to the longing for it.

There’s no magic formula for a place that produces joy. But there is a space for me that makes joy more tangible, even when all I take in with me is sorrow and ache. It’s a beautiful place to be.

Note: The image is a painting my mom did for me, showing the crusader castle mentioned above. It hangs above the mantle in our living room, reminding me of my favorite view from my growing up years, seen both from that stone bench and from my bedroom window.

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts, Thoughts from Scripture

Obedience of the Small

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Some days I reread my old posts and wonder what I was thinking. Other times, I am encouraged by remembering what God has taught me in the past. This is one of those encouraging lessons.

During my time in the religion department at Ouachita Baptist University, I had the privilege of taking a biblical interpretation course. Dr. Hays taught us to take a passage and see its layers. Simply by reading, reading again, and reading yet again, he showed us how new details could stand out to us even when we thought we had exhausted every avenue of thought in a verse or passage.

Noticing Details

I have not always exercised that developed eye for details, keeping it in shape to see the depths Dr. Hays taught us to see. Even so, there are times when things jump out at me because I have learned to take a second, third, and fourth look at passages.

Take this verse, for instance:

So they established a decree to circulate a proclamation throughout all Israel from Beersheba even to Dan, that they should come to celebrate the Passover to the Lord God of Israel at Jerusalem. For they had not celebrated it in great numbers as it was prescribed. 2 Chronicles 30:5

This passage rests in the middle of the story of Hezekiah’s reforms. As one of the few “good” kings of Judah, Hezekiah had decided that it was time for the kingdom to return to serving and worshiping God in holiness and purity. In 2 Chronicles 29, we see Hezekiah prodding the less-than-enthusiastic priests and Levites and motivating the people to cleanse their hearts in repentance and worship. It takes a bit of work, but finally we get to the point where the people have been purified, and they are ready to celebrate a nation-wide Passover for the first time in many generations.

So, what stands out to me here? The very end of the verse. “For they had not celebrated it in great numbers as it was prescribed.” (emphasis mine)

Do you know what that indicates?

Some still celebrated.

Celebration of the Few

The temple had been in various states of disrepair over the decades, and many years passed with priests completely unable to perform their duties. Yet it seems that some people possibly still faithfully celebrated the Passover.

If this is true, how must it have felt year after year for those few? They were being faithful. They were being obedient. Yet I cannot help but think that some of them must have longed for something they had never experienced – a Passover like God’s people held in the very beginning. A Passover with the whole community. A Passover in great numbers.

But they did not let those longings keep them from obedience. They persevered. They celebrated. They worshiped. They persisted in obedience. Even when the great numbers focused their attention and energy elsewhere.

We have no details showing us how life was for the small numbers who continued in worship. There is no story chronicling their faithfulness, other than the recognition that prophets still existed and the Word of God was still being proclaimed, even if to mostly deaf ears. But the normal everyday faithful aren’t really even hinted at until this moment, and even here it is just a passing statement that only infers their existence.

What About Us?

It is not glorious to obey in small numbers. In fact, it is just the opposite. It is lonely. It is challenging. It goes unnoticed.

But it is worth it.

Are your numbers small right now? Obey anyway. Do you feel isolated? Stand strong anyway. Is obedience challenging? Obey anyway.

The world may never notice. History may never record your perseverance. But it is worth it. Keep going! The day will come when the great numbers will join you. And I guarantee your joy will be complete in that day!

Posted in Thoughts from Books, Thoughts from Scripture

Questions and Answers

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I recently reread a fiction series that has long been a favorite of my entire family. It’s called The Staff and the Sword, written by Patrick W. Carr.

I can still remember the first time I read the series. By the end of the first book I had more questions than answers. Of course, so did most of the characters. The second book clarified some things, but the third book…exploded. Preconceptions were challenged. Mental horizons were forced to expand. Traditions were shattered. But in the process, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place.

The series is deep enough that I see new things every time I read it. But there is one bold and vivid concept that gets me every time I read the series: The question frames the answer. Without giving too much away (because it’s a series worth reading and I don’t want to spoil it for you if you decide to pick it up), bear with me a bit while I give some very basic context.

In the series, a group of characters known as readers are responsible for gleaning the will of God through the process of casting lots. This process involves holding a question and a potential answer firmly in mind while carving a perfectly round lot out of wood or stone.

The reader can then move on to create a lot with another possible answer to the same question, again holding both the question and answer firmly in mind. There’s a catch, though. The answers have to be somewhat known to the reader casting the lots. For instance, imagine casting lots to determine a destination. Should you go to this location or that one? The reader must know those destinations personally, or must have a solid enough description of them to picture them vividly and accurately while casting. That limits the cast a bit, does it not?

Early in the narrative, that seems to be the main catch. But, that pesky line keeps popping up through the course of the entire series, hinting that there’s more to contend with. The question frames the answer. Ultimately, this ends up being pivotal for the plot. But, with this reread of the series, I’ve gotten the uneasy feeling that this very concept is relevant to real life as well.

Most especially to our prayer life. Our own avenue to seeking and understanding the will of God.

I’ve always been one who likes checklists and step-by-step instructions. I like to do things the “right” way. In a way, this fictional depiction of casting lots appeals to me. There’s a right way to cast. Readers have an inherent capability that they are born with, but then they spend years studying both the history and mechanics of their craft, learning how to cast properly. It’s a factual process, with guidelines and rules to follow.

But, as the story progresses, it becomes evident that there is much more to the craft than simply doing it “right.” And that translates well into our prayers lives. As we pray, there is a need for understanding. A need to grasp the nature of the God we are seeking to communicate with. When Jesus says, “Ask and you will receive,” it’s in the middle of a whole lengthy discourse on the nature of thinking beyond our rules and regulations. It’s a discussion of understanding the heart of the Father we serve. Understanding His purpose behind the rules and instructions. Asking in prayer for guidance based on His character.

And our prayerful questions, both the specific words and the nature behind the asking, reveal greatly whether or not we know His character. Whether or not we are in tune enough to receive the answer. Because the answer to our questioning is very often something beyond our knowledge and understanding. It is something that may even be beyond our imagination. The answer is not just a direction about what to do or where to go next, it is a deeper understanding of the God we serve.

That’s more than a little uncomfortable, whether you are someone like me who loves the tangible or you’re someone who has an imaginative mind. God’s answers go beyond both. And He wants to teach us how to ask the questions that will reveal those powerful answers.

It’s an overwhelming path to follow, but I want to go. I want to follow the path that will teach me to better frame the question. The path that will help me seek answers beyond my limited understanding. The path that will draw me closer to communing with and knowing Almighty God. Will you come with me?